Reflections on birthdays and family celebrations to come

I am going to go see Mom this morning, spend the day, and then spend the night. Tomorrow, I will again be spending the day, spending the night, and then spending all day Saturday with Mom. I don't know if I need to spend Saturday night or not.I will be with Mom on Sunday as well since we are having Lindsey's family birthday celebration with Mom at her house.It will be very small--just my five immediate family members, my sister and her husband, and Mom (if the Lord gives us that gift).I am going to go pick out a 16th birthday card for Mom today, since she can't go to the store anymore. I know her style of card--expressive and appreciative. She will want to sign it with her own handwriting, even though it takes the help of both hands to keep the pen steady enough to do that at this point...

The specific day of one's birth has always been very important to Mom.Mom has been at every birthday celebration of each of my daughters, and also of my sister Teresa's children, their whole lives. Mom has this tradition that she started when we each of us moved out. Mom always calls us on our birthdays and sings "Happy Birthday to You, " on our birthdays. She then tells us how much she loves us, and re-tells what she remembers of the day that person was born. This year, on my birthday, that will make me cry the most. I will miss my morning phonecall from Mom so much that it makes me cry just to think about it....

Mom says that she wants me to also buy cards for my other daughters' birthdays, and for her grandsons' 16th birthday (which is close to Christmas). She wants me to buy a card for Rita's birthday, and for Teresa's as well, so she can sign the cards for them. Giving cards has always been important to Mom. She loves giving them as much as she enjoys receiving them.

My sister's son and his fiance are graduating from IWU with degrees in Social Work on Sat. morning. If Mom is strong enough, I am suppose to get her ready and take her to the Phillipe PAC at IWU just in time for her to see Dan (through large screen video) walk across the stage with his diploma. It is a big event in our family, and my sister has a big weekend in store because of his graduation. I pray that Mom will be able to see Dan walk across that stage and also get a photo with him that day.It would mean so much to my sister and to Dan. God knows best, though, and we trust it into his hands.

Lindsey's 16th birthday is the fourth, but the way things are going with Mom, I have no idea how to plan next week. It is just one day at a time....

Every time I kiss her goodbye, I wonder if it will be the last time she says, "I love you, too." Each day that I am able to hear her voice saying those words one more time is a gift beyond measure. Really, that is how it is with all of us, but we just don't think about it until times like these... Yes, today is a gift from the Lord,and I praise Him for it!

In case you are wondering, I am doing all right emotionally, except for the feelings of guilt about Mom's constipation (I was the one who bought the bananas that supposedly caused her misery).

I also had many tears at the altar Sunday at church during the open altar time when everyone can bring their prayer burdens to the Lord. Few words came. I was beyond words. I just wept and knew that He understood every tear. I felt so moved that some of the ladies of the church laid their hands on my back and prayed for me.Wow. I would not have expected that. It meant a lot to know each of them cared about what I was going through. It brought me comfort to see them wiping tears from their own eyes as I wiped mine. It also meant a lot to have Elvin kneeling beside me, wiping tears right along with me.(He is a caring,compassionate man, and going through this only makes me love him more).

God is good to me. I see His goodness, even in the midsts of this storm. "It's not about waiting fo this storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain..." I want to "dance in the rain," and sometimes I do in private, of course. I sing out to the Lord and dance as David danced, just before the Lord and no one else. I do this when he blesses me and my heart overflows with gratitude to Him when I am in a solitary place. ( Trust me, no one else would want to see it! Ha!) Everywhere I look, I see His kind care and in His unfailing love. How can I not "dance in the rain," just for my Lord, when I know He is singing over me and delighting in me and in Mom, His dearly loved children. (Zephaniah 3:17)He understands every tear that falls! How can I not rejoice before a God like that!

Mom just phoned me on my cell. She said that the nurse, Janet, is coming in 1/2 hour, so I need to go to Mom's before the caregiver leaves. I need to be there when the nurse arrives. Mom's jaundiced appearance makes my heart feel heavy this morning. I need to see what Janet thinks about how Mom is doing and how we can keep Mom comfortable...

Bye for now! Thanks for the prayers!